My Kind of Crazy

by sarahenni on January 7, 2013

A few years ago I went through a strange and distressing time when I was absolutely desperate for someone to tell me: “You’re not crazy.”1 Seriously, it was my keenest wish. Of course, I could’ve asked the people around me to tell me I was sane, but doesn’t having to ask defeat the purpose?

Now that I have the gift of hindsight, I realize the very people I wanted to comfort me were, predictably, the source of my bad place. Once I moved on, ended negative relationships, and surrounded myself with better people, the urge to confirm my sanity went away. With family and friends around who respected and loved me, I had an excess of unspoken confirmation of my value, and my mental health.

In my previous WiP I wrote about my main character’s favorite T-shirt. (This relates to the first paragraph, I swear. Stick with me!) It was a faded University of Hawaii shirt from when they were the Rainbows. It had holes in it and the character bought it at this vintage shop that I used to go to and I just loved it. It was what I always pictured the character wearing. So when I went on a trip to Hawaii I was talking to Bestie Danielle about my thrift store hunt for a University of Hawaii Rainbows T-shirt. She said, “Like in your book!”

And I cried.

It wasn’t said outright, but the implication was clear. By acknowledging she’d read my book and that silly little detail stuck with her, Danielle assured me I wasn’t crazy.

Then, just a few days ago, I got went to my mailbox after a long long absence and got a piece of mail from the crazy amazing Tracey Neithercott. Without knowing what to expect, I opened it and found a print of an orange Vespa, the exact scooter ridden and loved by a character in my current WiP. Instant tears. Tracey was telling me “You’re so not crazy.”

I’m at the very beginning of this process, so I can count the people who’ve read my work on fingers and toes. But what I’m learning is in publishing, I might never grow out of the “Am I crazy?” phase. You can only work to surround yourself with family and friends who will find ways to show that they, too, carry your strange worlds with them.

So I just want to say thank you to everyone who has in their own direct or roundabout, completely loving, generous ways confirmed but I’m not exact crazy, or if I and am, it’s exactly your brand of psychosis too.

  1. I was feeling neglected and manipulated by friendships, and a bit depressed, not actually concerned about a mental break. That is a real and serious concern some experience. If you’re having those feelings, call the National Alliance on Mental Illness at 1-800-950-NAMI (6264), or try some of these resources.

{ 14 comments… read them below or add one }

Danielle January 7, 2013 at 4:06 pm

You are my kind of crazy and that’s why I love you.

Ps, we will find that shirt!

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sarahenni January 8, 2013 at 11:49 am

<3

Yes, we must find that shirt!!

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Tracey Neithercott January 7, 2013 at 6:50 pm

Aw, Sarah. I’d like to ditto what Danielle said. Crazy is a good thing. I <3 you, lady.

Also, it's not the one from your photo but… http://www.uhrainbowtique.com/productdetails.asp?pid=7414&pagenum=1

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sarahenni January 8, 2013 at 11:50 am

Ahh!! Something very VERY similar to that! You are a skilled browser, my friend!

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Kristin Halbrook January 7, 2013 at 10:27 pm

This is one real wild ride. Sometimes, jumping on that orange vespa and zooming off into the sunset is the best thing ever. :)

<3

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sarahenni January 8, 2013 at 11:51 am

*Tosses extra helmet to Kris* *Zooms off together*

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Jessica Love January 8, 2013 at 1:36 am

It’s the BEST to find people who are the same kind of crazy as you! That’s exactly how I know I’ve found MY PEOPLE. (And I know the two of us are the same kind of crazy based on the weird stuff of mine you reblog on tumblr. Tee hee.)

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sarahenni January 8, 2013 at 11:53 am

We are of one, crazy, mind my friend! :D

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Megan O'Connor January 8, 2013 at 6:37 am

You are my kind of crazy!

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sarahenni January 8, 2013 at 11:54 am

<3 <3 <3

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Ghenet Myrthil January 8, 2013 at 11:47 am

I love this! It’s such a great feeling to find people who understand these things. You’re definitely NOT crazy. :)

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sarahenni January 8, 2013 at 11:54 am

Isn’t that the greatest feeling? Thanks Ghenet!! :D

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Windy January 8, 2013 at 12:51 pm

You’re so smart and just the right kind of crazy, I think! You need to head back out to SLC so we can have lunch again!!

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Erin Bowman January 8, 2013 at 2:08 pm

I’m pretty sure that all writers, by default, are crazy. But a good kind of crazy. (Obviously.) <3

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