A few years ago I went through a strange and distressing time when I was absolutely desperate for someone to tell me: “You’re not crazy.”1 Seriously, it was my keenest wish. Of course, I could’ve asked the people around me to tell me I was sane, but doesn’t having to ask defeat the purpose?
Now that I have the gift of hindsight, I realize the very people I wanted to comfort me were, predictably, the source of my bad place. Once I moved on, ended negative relationships, and surrounded myself with better people, the urge to confirm my sanity went away. With family and friends around who respected and loved me, I had an excess of unspoken confirmation of my value, and my mental health.
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In my previous WiP I wrote about my main character’s favorite T-shirt. (This relates to the first paragraph, I swear. Stick with me!) It was a faded University of Hawaii shirt from when they were the Rainbows. It had holes in it and the character bought it at this vintage shop that I used to go to and I just loved it. It was what I always pictured the character wearing. So when I went on a trip to Hawaii I was talking to Bestie Danielle about my thrift store hunt for a University of Hawaii Rainbows T-shirt. She said, “Like in your book!”
And I cried.
It wasn’t said outright, but the implication was clear. By acknowledging she’d read my book and that silly little detail stuck with her, Danielle assured me I wasn’t crazy.
Then, just a few days ago, I got went to my mailbox after a long long absence and got a piece of mail from the 
crazy amazing Tracey Neithercott. Without knowing what to expect, I opened it and found a print of an orange Vespa, the exact scooter ridden and loved by a character in my current WiP. Instant tears. Tracey was telling me “You’re so not crazy.”
I’m at the very beginning of this process, so I can count the people who’ve read my work on fingers and toes. But what I’m learning is in publishing, I might never grow out of the “Am I crazy?” phase. You can only work to surround yourself with family and friends who will find ways to show that they, too, carry your strange worlds with them.
So I just want to say thank you to everyone who has in their own direct or roundabout, completely loving, generous ways confirmed but I’m not exact crazy, or if I and am, it’s exactly your brand of psychosis too.
- I was feeling neglected and manipulated by friendships, and a bit depressed, not actually concerned about a mental break. That is a real and serious concern some experience. If you’re having those feelings, call the National Alliance on Mental Illness at 1-800-950-NAMI (6264), or try some of these resources. ↩
{ 14 comments… read them below or add one }
You are my kind of crazy and that’s why I love you.
Ps, we will find that shirt!
<3
Yes, we must find that shirt!!
Aw, Sarah. I’d like to ditto what Danielle said. Crazy is a good thing. I <3 you, lady.
Also, it's not the one from your photo but… http://www.uhrainbowtique.com/productdetails.asp?pid=7414&pagenum=1
Ahh!! Something very VERY similar to that! You are a skilled browser, my friend!
This is one real wild ride. Sometimes, jumping on that orange vespa and zooming off into the sunset is the best thing ever. :)
<3
*Tosses extra helmet to Kris* *Zooms off together*
It’s the BEST to find people who are the same kind of crazy as you! That’s exactly how I know I’ve found MY PEOPLE. (And I know the two of us are the same kind of crazy based on the weird stuff of mine you reblog on tumblr. Tee hee.)
We are of one, crazy, mind my friend! :D
You are my kind of crazy!
<3 <3 <3
I love this! It’s such a great feeling to find people who understand these things. You’re definitely NOT crazy. :)
Isn’t that the greatest feeling? Thanks Ghenet!! :D
You’re so smart and just the right kind of crazy, I think! You need to head back out to SLC so we can have lunch again!!
I’m pretty sure that all writers, by default, are crazy. But a good kind of crazy. (Obviously.) <3