The Olympics are going on—have you heard? Unfortunately I don’t have cable and can’t stand Bob Costas (because of reasons) so I’ve mostly been keeping up via social media, NPR, and of course my own personal Olympics correspondent, Bestie Danielle. We’ve had some… unique gchat interpretations of the events thus far, though I think even the Russian judge would have to give us a 10 for sheer enthusiasm.
Gymnastics
Danielle: Have you been watching women’s gymnastics?
Me: some? not all
Danielle: oh man. Mckayla Maroney on the US team is Regina George
Me: amazing.
During the team event, all the US gymnasts were getting ready to walk away in their little straight line together, and one girl was like, totally not in single file. And you couldn’t hear anything they were saying, but McKayla clearly snapped around and told her to get her ass in line. Then turned back around and pranced away.
Danielle: And then this happened. And I loved her even more. She is my spirit animal.
Judo
Me: OMG did you hear about this?? Okay.
1) this douche got beaten up by a female judo champ
2) the female judo champ’s tweet on the subject was:
Een dronken gast voor mij gooit een flesje op de baan!! IK HEB HEM GESLAGEN.... Ongelofelijk!! #boos #respectloos
@edithbosch
Edith Bosch
“A drunken spectator threw a bottle onto the track! I HAVE BEATEN HIM …. unbelievable.”
I HAVE BEATEN HIM
I am literally dying at my desk right now
She’s like in the effing Justice League or something
Sending a missive back to HQ: ”I HAVE BEATEN HIM”
“Don’t worry!”
Swimming
Danielle: There’s also this adorable guy who got gold in backstroke
at the world championships last year, his girlfriend was the one who got to present him with his gold medal
Danielle: so, she handed him his medal, and he dropped to one knee and proposed to her
which is the only acceptable way to propose at a sporting event.
and then after he won olympic gold, he immediately pointed to her in the stands and blew her a kiss
Me: OH MY GOD
WHAT
I need the video of this proposal
because I haven’t wept at my desk yet this week
Danielle:
Steeplechase
Danielle: I’m watching the Olympic steeplechase right now
the track version, not the horse version
it’s a weird event.
it’s like, a couple group hurdles and then they get damp.
Me: er
what
Danielle: one of the hurdles has a puddle..
like, not deep.
a slight puddle.
so they get slightly damp.
it’s like, a couple group hurdles and then they get damp.
Me: ew. That is the worst thing I could imagine. It’s like they’re living my walking-home-from-work nightmare, for sport
Danielle: I feel like this is supposed to be some sort of obstacle race
but, like, a boring one
if you wanted them to get damp, it would be funnier to just have a fire hose shoot out at them real quick
Danielle: or like, turning a section into dodge ball
Me: this is starting to sound like The Hunger Games a little more with every suggestion
Me: Killer bees? is it that much of a stretch to killer bees?
Danielle: I feel like I would make a really good game master in the Hunger Games.
Me: something to maybe not tell other people
Danielle: I mean, I would just try to make it funny.
Danielle: just because they’re fighting to the death doesn’t mean it has to be so grim
Me: I am going to photoshop Wes Bentley’s beard onto you now
you know that right
Danielle: humor goes a long way
if you’re repressing people, at least be funny about it
like Vladimir Putin
that guy is a hoot.
And, with that!
/Fin
What about you?? What have you thought about the games so far?
{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }
What I’ve learned from this is that I look fantastic with that beard. Also, Buzzfeed has a piece saying that Nathan Adrian is Finnick Odair. And they are 100% correct.
I’d just like to second Danielle in saying that Buzzfeed is 100% correct about Nathan Adrian = Finnick Odair. <3 him! Also, I'm majorly sad that I was probably at Cal when he was and I totally missed out! *cries* I'm pretty sure I've walked by that pool on a semi-daily basis!
Ahhh! You totally missed out :( But agreed—he basically is the most perfect Finnick Odair imaginable.
So in 4 years, can I request for you and Danielle to come back and commentate on the Olympics? This is hilarious and wonderful, and I loled through the entire Olympics/Hunger Games conversation. I agree with Danielle! It doesn’t have to be so GRIM; humor goes a long way!
I can guarantee that we will be snarking up the Olympics in four years, so count on us! I am glad you enjoyed it—the Hunger Games conversation took quite the turn on gchat, and I knew we had to share it :)
This is so funny! I especially enjoy the Seneca Crane doodling.