This post is subtitled: The First in What Will Inevitably Number in the Dozens of Posts About The Hunger Games. Catchy, right?
Well I had to share this post with you all, because the dream I had last night was so vivid, so absurd, and—though in the dream I was starring in The Hunger Games movie—I was so happy to wake to the real world.
Let me set the scene. My best friend Megan and I were cast to be in The Hunger Games. Not a shocking premise at all, given that Megan has a background in acting and performing, and in a couple decades I will look exactly like Suzanne Collins. But, in fantastic dream logic, the set of The Hunger Games looked like a summer retreat for very posh Scandinavians, all sleek and modern and IKEA. Also, it was actually a Sherlock Holmes movie in everything but title.
ANYWAY. There we were on our IKEA set with a crowd of other extras (who were all dressed in Steampunk outfits because, obviously), having already filmed the “crossing a bridge in heavy traffic” obligatory car chase scene (wtf brain srsly). Then we begin to film the next segment of The Hunger Games, a seminal scene surely everyone must recall, wherein two models stand in the center of a crowd and do a cross between Vogue-ing and the robot for several minutes—techno music to be added in edits. It was like a mix of a Helmut Lang runway show and Sprockets.
I told the girl sitting next to us how awful I thought the model’s costumes were (direct dream quote: “they’re ridiculous, like goth retro trash”) and she was like, well they looked good on me when I designed them. I was so embarrassed. During a filming break, Megan and I looked up who the costume designer girl was, so I could find her and apologize. Turns out her name was Wretches (and JUST Wretches, like Madonna but less Catholic) and, in addition to being the costume designer for this sham of a Hunger Games interpretation, she was THE DIRECTOR.
Megan recognized her name (Wretches being one of those that sticks in the mind), and informed me that Wretches was the daughter of some high-falutin’ Hollywood celebrity and had briefly been a model. Megan also informed me (dream Megan is so helpful! She probably got us that dream gig) that the production company behind this Hunger Games movie was owned by Sharon Osborne. Direct dream quote from Megan: “Sharon Osborne has a talent for trying to pick out the most successful celebrity kid in a family and getting it wrong.” DREAM BURN.
So we were freaked out, embarrassed, and did I mention freaked out because what was an ex-model celebrity brat doing directing MY HUNGER GAMES?! Our outrage was quickly silenced, though, when Robert Downey Jr. and Jude Law walked on set because remember, this was actually a Sherlock Holmes movie taking place on an IKEA set with occasional dance breaks.
While we filmed with RDJ we noticed that Wretches put herself in several all of the scenes, and when finally it came to a monologue that RDJ was supposed to give, a production team member was all: “Go get RDJ we have to film his monologue and btw what is the monologue anyway.” Wretches is all “I’ll tell you what it says” (or “I’ll tell you what it says!”, whichever helps you get the point of this scene more effectively) and launches into this soliloquy right there on set. It was highly emotional, about starting out as a model but being told she was too big, then deciding she wouldn’t conform to “their” standards and setting off to make it on her own which, personally, I think is a wonderful speech for just about any YA movie EXCEPT THE HUNGER GAMES, and also totally inappropriate for Sherlock Holmes while we’re on the subject.
So I started to get panicked. Wretches was ruining My. Hunger. Games! She made huge plot decisions in a blink and Megan and I were shoved out of scenes with RDJ unnecessarily and it was all quite distressing.
Then I woke up, remembered this:
… And felt so much better.
Happy Friday, everyone!!
ETA: My brilliant and hilarious friend Jessica sent me this video, which is at once amazingly relevant to my dream (Haymitch on Sprockets!) AND terrifyingly meta in reference to the actual Hunger Games message. SLOW CLAP, Jessica. SLOW WONDROUS CLAP.
(also, her comment had me rolling: “Now is the time in the arena when we dance.”)