Okay, I swear this will be the last Twilight/Breaking Dawn related post I’ll write in … well, at least a week. But on opening weekend, whilst in the grip of Le Saga Vampîre, I picked up on some hints of what might be waiting for us in Breaking Dawn Part II and they’re so juicy I had to share.
Frankly, what is going to happen in BDII is anyone’s guess, as Billy Condon and the Summit team basically condensed everything that drives the plot of the book and laid it all out in the first movie. That leaves the bare second half of Breaking Dawn, a meandering mélange of wish fulfillment, imprint angst, and a climax-free battle scene with nary a relevant plot point in sight. In fact, RPatz himself summed up the challenges facing screenwriter Melissa Rosenberg and Condon in the second film:
Have sex, demon baby. No, they get married first, demon baby, Jacob falls in love with the little baby [laughs], then everyone tries to kill each other, but nothing happens. Oh, that’s the second one [laughs even harder].
RPatz, in yer fandom, trollin’ like crazy
On the other hand, having such vague non-events to work with for a full two hours means there might be a little (or a lot) of wiggle room to depart from the book. In fact, I have reason to believe that will be the case, based on some hints that my friend Lindsay and I picked up on when we saw Breaking Dawn. Namely, there were some subtle indicators that our little Vampire series might be going the way of another band of questionable misfits stuck in a world where they didn’t belong…
The LOST moments we found in Breaking Dawn:
If we’re right, then Twilight fans are in for a helluva ride. Here are some story lines BDII might incorporate to improve on its lackluster source material by incorporating cues from LOST.
(Warning: Super mega spoilers for both Breaking Dawn and LOST ahead.)
The Cullens & Co. stumble upon to THE OTHERS, a clan of scraggly vamps who have been living outside of Port Angeles this whole time. Disheveled and generally unkempt, they kidnap Alice for fashion advice.
With the help of “Crazy Baby Eyes
” Rosalie they also snatch Renesmee up and frisk her away on a boat—despite the fact that “Renesmee” is so much less satisfying to scream than “Walt
!” Then Bella then goes feral over the kidnapping, freaking everyone out beyond all reckoning with a Heart of Darkness-style descent into jungle madness.
Then! The existence of vampires is revealed to be a twisted Dharma Initiative experiment when an undead Pierre Chang
shows up in a submarine.
Chang explains that the Cullens can keep the rest of the world from sucuumbing to the allure of an eternity in a sparkly, immortal LL Bean catalogue by hitting a button every 108 minutes. Naturally, the Cullens elect Jasper to dedicate the rest of his existence to this boring task since, you know, he wasn’t really doing anything useful around here anyway.
And, a twist that is actually less twisty because it’s kind of already happening. Maggie Grace, as Shannon on LOST, got cozy with Sayid. Then she was cast as Irina, who was shacking up with Laurent in Alaska. So, yet again we’re being asked to believe that she mysteriously seduced the most badass character with her wiles of vacant expressions and general annoyingness.
Since Irina is the meddling Vampire Benedict Arnold who calls foul with the Volturi once she spots Edward and Bella’s demonbaby, it’d be great to see Aro suddenly, and as inexplicably as Sayid and Laurent, fall madly in love with her. Then, just like in LOST, her execution-style death would be a welcome relief, and a springboard for even more unhinged craziness. Everyone wins!
What do you think?? Did anyone else pick up on these hints? What other wacky crap from Flight 815 could be incorporated to spice up BDII?