Today is the day, my friends. Breaking Dawn, the penultimate chapter of Le Saga Vampîre, is upon us. Twi-hards rejoice, casual fans giggle, and haters, well.
By now we are all familiar with the story, but it has yet to be seen how Summit and Bill Condon will handle the WTF-ery that is the plot of Breaking Dawn. Throwing an extra curveball into the whole formula is the fact that the book is being broken into two parts. Which cliffhanger will they go with to end BD1? The birth, the imprinting, the vampire transformation? And, tantalizingly, what is the extra scene Peter Faccinelli is talking about??
I was talking with Bestie Danielle, who will be accompanying me to see this glorious landmark of 21st century film, and we decided to outline the things that we are eagerly awaiting/desperately afraid of from Breaking Dawn.
The Wedding
Me: so apparently the wedding is ONE FULL HOUR.
Danielle: SNOOZE
Lycanthrope, please. My own (REAL LIFE) wedding lasted like 20 minutes. At my wedding everyone was waiting for the open bar. At this wedding, I think you know what we’re all waiting for, and it isn’t a glimpse of that fugly ring.
Sparkle motion, people.
That, and perhaps an explanation of how someone whose abs were so gratuitously airbrushed just a year ago can have such a legitimately muscular back? Is this a STUNT DOUBLE? Or did Kellan Lutz actually mean it when he said he’d get RPatz off the couch for this one?
Speaking of people working out. I’ve also heard that Jacob’s washboard abs get flashed within the first five minutes, which is a good idea considering how long we’re going to have to suffer through these interminable nuptials. That leads us into the other thing that Danielle and I spent a good amount of time discussing…
That Whole ‘Imprinting’ Thing
I’m going to quote Danielle directly from our gchat conversation, because I was falling all over my desk laughing so hard.
Hold on to your bonnets ladies, and get ready to swoon! And by “ladies” I mean “babies.” And by “bonnets” well, I really do mean bonnets. We all know that Jacob has a type, and we think they heart him right back. But you know. It’s hard to know for sure. Since his type is babies.
The thing I’m looking forward to the most, friends? Can I be honest? Is the moment—the exact screen shot—when Taylor Lautner (God love him) has to give a hard stare right into the camera and convince us, the audience…
That he is falling madly in love with A BABY.
That .gif, my friends? Once the internet provides it to me? That .gif might as well be in my email signature block. I am going to have it as a moving background on my phone. It’s going to be EVERYWHERE.
Because seriously, WHAT? How can you ask anyone to do that? To make that convincing? Can you imagine what was going through that poor boy’s head while shooting that scene? “What’s my motivation? THE BABY?”
The Answer to the Question: What DID Edward Google??
The hilarious Rachel Hawkins was the first to note this ridiculousness, and it spawned the crazy funny (and not entirely SFW) hashtag #WhatEdwardGoogled. I mean, Bella did use Google to discover what Edward was in the first movie, so maybe they’re going for consistency?
But I know that when I see this happen on the big screen, I’m going to be drowning my chuckles in spiked Dr Pepper because that one made the drinking game like, instantly.
The Obligatory Shot of Charlie Drinking Rainier
Guys, this is seriously one of my favorite things about the entire movie series. And Charlie doesn’t joke around with Rainier, either. He’ll take it in a can, and he wants a tall boy.
What about you?? What are you looking forward to? What are you dreading like a Cullen dreads Volturi? When are you going to see it??
{ 19 comments… read them below or add one }
Charlie is hands down my favorite part of these moments. He also, in my mind, is the only convincing, authentic, believable, and mostly sane character in the entire cast. But oh, these have been fun. I’m sort of scared to watch this installment though. I’m not ready for the wedding night scene. Or the hour-long nuptials.
And for what it’s worth: my real life wedding was somewhere around 20 minutes, too, and when it ended, everyone bee-lined for the bar. I think this just shows we both have great friends/family that know what’s worth celebrating ;)
I LOVE CHARLIE. Billy Budd took a pretty nonexistent role and seriously made it amazing. And I’m not just saying that because I think his mustache is rad.
I don’t think we can ever really be READY for the wedding night scene. It is something that is just going to happen to us, collectively, and we are basically never going to be the same.
Also *high five* for having awesome weddings! Sounds like our families would get along!
I am so freaking excited for this! Can we please treat this like a real wedding? Meaning keeping a flask close at hand to help us get through the awkward moments?
Done, and done.
Bwhahahahahaaaa. OMG. Too much. When I saw that googling hashtag the other night I could not BREATHE or THINK straight to contribute. AWESOME. I hope Edward does not disappoint on the silverscreen.
I am looking forward in particular to the awkward moments actually.
They will be awesome. It’s a rather unfortunate truth that I get the giggles whenever things awkward in life soo this should be SPLENDID. I could not keep a straight face watching the trailer and I have mega hopes for the feature length film. When/if (I heard one disturbing rumour it fades to black and skips the headboard)(noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo) the need for wood glue arises I just know I will DIE and the rest of the film will turn into a blur of colour and sparkles as I fight to regain composure. Heheheee.
YES I could not stop smiling while watching the trailer for ALL THE AWKWARD.
“When/if … the need for wood glue arises” LOLOL
But seriously. If they fade to black, there is going to be a fangirl RIOT.
LOL. I can’t wait until you see the movie and give us a recap. I’m…probably not going to see it until it’s out on dvd. :P Haha.
Of you KNOW I’ll be throwing up a review LOL! That might help you decide whether it’s worth seeing before the DVD :)
I can’t stop laughing – this is just too darn funny. I love how we can all mock the heck out of it while still showing our faces at the theater to watch it :-) You are so right about the Jacob/ChuckyBaby imprinting thing. That’s a lot to ask of an actor, I think. Oh, and #thingsEdwardgoogled was all kinds of fun!
You are so right! It’s easiest, and most fun, to poke fun at things you love. I think there’s a ton of us that are in that kind of strange gray area with Twilight!
And YES wasn’t that hashtag great?? Sooo clever!
Well, as you know (bob), I totally giggled through the birth scene. And then when Edward takes further random bites out of dead Bella. That was such the WTF moment.
I groaned before, during and after the imprint scene. Poor Jacob. And again: Poor Jacob.
The Rainier Beer YAASSSSS!!!!!! Best thing ever.
I admit: I got a teeeeeny bit emotional at the wedding scene. Probably because of the epic SMeyer cameo. I’ve never seen someone look less like they wanted to actually BE at a wedding. I hope she brought a nice gift.
My wedding plans? 20 minutes, tops, then beeline for the bar. :D
We’re heading to this tomorrow and I am entirely all too ready to snark my way through ALL OF IT.
And my wedding? Under 10 minutes.
Alicia wins the wedding record!! That is amazing. And I am glad to hear that you 1) successfully snarked your way through it and 2) didn’t get kicked out!!
You are the best, Sarah.
*snuggles Kaitlin*
Love this. And I totally agree with what Erin said about Charlie — he’s my favorite, hands down. If I was going to Mary Sue my way into Twilight, it would be to hang out with Charlie: you know, drink beer and watch TV without saying much of anything, which pretty much sounds amazing.
Looking forward to your post-movie reactions, and that .gif!
“If I was going to Mary Sue my way into Twilight” HAHAHAHA
Sarah wins the internet with that phrase.
This comment has no substance or good insight at all.
I just want to tell you how much your originality and creativity rock. *bows down*
YOU ARE AWESOME. *tacklehugs*
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